Mubarak Ho Mere Saiyaan Re…

Once upon a time there was an existing individual, who as any other had been going thru this normal way we seem to call life, her wings had been scorched and spent her time as the mere mortal she was finding a true reason, an explanation to the never-ending hunger at the bottomless pit of her soul. She had felt a void every time her gaze was lost in the night’s darkness long before her presence had ever mattered, pondering what was missing she withheld from dreams and watched others rise to theirs. She smiled thou sadness was her constant companion, until one day the greatest miracle happened. She met…him.

The encounter occurred on an unexpected day, where they were both gentle to each other as if trying to understand one another’s nature, til this day she’s never forgotten his eyes, his words, nor has he ever left the world they lived and created in her heart, although he’s nowhere to be found the doors of her soul have always remained open and her heart awaiting his return. His existence became her strength and unwavering life force. Many times she wished to tell him so many things that were locked away inside herself but could barely say “I love you and would convey it to him in “Tum mera sab kuch ho Janu”. Still today she smiles and whispers to the rain “ye mausam ki baarish
ye baarish ka paani
ye paani ki boondein
tujhe hi to DhoonRhein
ye milne ki khwaahish
ye khwaahish puraani
ho poori tujhi se
meri ye kahaani” hoping the message is felt and carried on in that beautiful melody her heart sings only for him. If he only knew she revives within that rainfall and dies once it’s gone. Other times rushing into it she cries desperately begging the rain “Stay a little longer with me so I can see his image flowing thru you”, if he only knew she’s travelled thru oceans of time to meet his soul in her dreams, if he only knew she sees the colors his love awakened in her bloodstream those flowing inside her heart, were imprinted on her soul as well, she no longer sees the world a vast nothing, but sees thru his eyes the grace of everything even when things seem to go wrong, there is always the thankfulness flowing within the rain that falls from her eyes. Each rain drop still saying “Main tumse bhot pyar karti hoon Janu” its because of you that I see vast oceans of life where there was once a lifeless desert, one glimpse of you and I received an oasis that drenched my soul and brought me back to loving myself thru your memories. The very same that keep me going and moving forward…still waiting for you.

Mubarak ho Mere Saiyaan Re, for being my inspiration…you never left, I could never let you go…


The way they leave us…says it all

The new trend is to move on silently without their beloved, and let them know they’re gone after new worlds, new experiences, new people, when they should be facing obstacles and difficulties together, fighting alongside each other. The real truth is, this is the real way things should actually, naturally happen and be, sadly some only cheer you on to continue being strong at your own pace, still one wishes they’d do all that’s desired deep down inside but they don’t even perceive the trail of hints and clues one leaves dripping from our tired souls and hearts.

It may sound cold or cruel to hear this but even if they still perceive it, they don’t react. And it hurts even more, because it’s a wall of shattering silence encasing our own hearts beating within us and if we press a bit too much against that fragile glass our tears begin to fog up our only windows left, the eyes of our hearts.

We tend to wish at a certain moment to do just as King Edipus in the moment of his life defining truth (he could not face his tragedy and pinned his eyes).

Our own tragedy within is if we let go, or try a little harder. The main issue to address is the “why zone” the overload of questions that just fly out of the blue during each step we take in our normal daily routine, which has suddenly been disrupted, altered or torn…simply because something was removed…or removed itself.

Our full warrior armor comes crashing down, not because of an external enemy but one raging within…sadly our hearts crystallized encasing shattered into a million pieces to reveal a wild creature in containment grasping the bars of its imprisonment, his/her name. As their desperate cries and shrieks go on dying in the silence. No answers come, nothing seems to comfort the poor creature and it starts to go down spiralling into a never-ending cycle of pain which only ends to start all over again but this time striking at it viciously stronger.

Some say ask how to end the agony? Others simply say let go while others say there is no end. I once read something very similar to this feeling and I quote:

“The hardest part dear, is that you’ll have to mourn someone who is very much alive”

Know if you’re Seriously dating and not just somebody’s Hookup

Nowadays the new trend is to go online and start searching for dating apps or social media, in accordance to one’s needs. Be it a nice friendship search or in the hopes of meeting that special someone falls another category in between or at the end…called the hookup. But actually what does it really mean to be out for a hookup?

It’s just that casual meeting where there’s no type or sign of compromise whatsoever and many times ends up being listed in the little black book as an option. This type of encounter is somewhat not so very pleasant because one of the two might build a certain amount of expectations. And it kills the buzz for “the booker” as I call it. They sound like the typically bored individual out for a moments stroll with no intention of staying any longer than a night prowler, they’re out for what they want, get what they need and then leave the other part as to “nothing serious happened here”.

Awkwardness tends to resound and someone actually doesn’t know how to avoid that feeling, whats more how to shake it off in case the other half suffers from sudden attachment syndrome. It’s usually followed by a series of questions that leave the attached to a full personal examination period over and over asking themselves “Was that all? where was I? whether if they’re worthy of another hangout moment or not the questions still linger sometimes making them drop out of the cycle and search for something serious if not settling for the next best approachable “thing”.

Hookups are usually last minute, late night calls for “cuddles, and come over for whatever is on my mind, disregarding the other parts (his/her) needs” They’re straight out blunt specifying a certain time at their convenience then once done, go home you’re dispatched on with the next new item. If you value yourself, have wishes to go on into a relationship, then honestly the hookup guy/girl isn’t for you no matter how much they call your attention this type of individual does not compromise except to satisfying their own needs.

On the other hand a seriously dating relationship type of person will send full texts asking how you are, and letting you know they’re interested in seeing you at any moment, scheduling accordingly to your needs and willingly to be seen in public anywhere even if just for a few minutes. They don’t call you at last moment unless for seriously concrete plans such as tickets for a sports game you both enjoy, or music concert, maybe even for a church event. This type of individual will go out to extreme lengths just to show you they’re in it the for the whole nine yards and that they value your presence even at a distance. But most of all they respect boundaries, the hookup type will refuse and question why you won’t as it threatens their needs.

The serious type will always be sweet and patient, while the hookup player type is always on the run moving on to the next option, while the serious ones make it clear you’re “The Choice” letting you and the world know their decision. Serious people let you in on their dreams and goals for the future, letting you also know they want and have something to offer, unlike the other type their egotistical needs are reflected on what you have to give them to be satisfied and in the loop of a callback by making you think or feel important until they need much more to keep them interested.

Be weary and know yourself well enough to not settle for someone who would rather keep you close to satisfy themselves from someone who would rather spend their days, and nights thinking about how to make you happy, choose wisely and stay blessed always.

The Drifting Apart Syndrome, the silent killer

Noone who is actually in love ever expects to feel the awkwardness of a bouncing echo. What does this mean? Short for a one-sided type of situation which develops and sadly kicks in from time to time…The drifting apart syndrome as I call it. Sometimes things happen, situations we can’t control, different timezones, countries and even cultures can be included within this topic.

The point is that if we don’t spend enough time with our S/O we tend to get lost, disconnected and even feel hopeless while in the grip of this syndrome…sadly to say it’s affecting all types of relationships, and flooding them with anguish and distance. By the time they actually wake up to it, the other half has already or is almost halfways gone. Not allowing much to salvage, or restore. Faith, Confidence and Trust begin to whither and when this happens it can be or has already been ended…even without a moments notice. It drips right thru our hands like water and its gone.

Indifference can be a cause as well, it can rise like an erupting volcano once the hearts are no longer at the same level and and one of them has gone on this late habit of leaving on this trip of point of no return. Let’s face it he/she have gone stone cold, it’s turned into a rodeo where you have to lasso them back to life in your never ending love… but to only find and see they break free from your grip and know the embers of your love aren’t strong enough to keep their flames burning. It’s like a totally different person in front of you.

What’s worse no matter the efforts you make, nothing really sparks their interest. So then what to do, when your own heart is growing weary and you’re running out of time not to mention your heart is breaking into a million pieces ? You have to look deep down inside yourself and realize that you also matter, and pray that hopefully they’ll snap out of that trance and find their way back to your heart before its too late.

The sea of indifference and confusion tends to make its way into their paths and they hurt us without even noticing it from time to time. Where there once was “Good morning my angel” “Sweet dreams honey” is now (received) “βœ”βœ”” and then “βœ…βœ…” (read) yet no reply whatsoever. It ends either hardening what’s left of our hearts or breaking them til nothing is left. Infecting our love and changing our feelings to become introspective not to mention the helpless notion of failure thinking it’s our fault, yet the real culprit out there is smiling back at us while walking off with the object of our affection and we’re out of clues or ways on how to get them back.

Then what to do? you may ask yourself. Honestly you have to start loving, caring, and investing that same if not more energy, attention, and love before you lose your own self trying to fix the gap that turned up out the blue between you both. Self love isn’t wrong, as long as you’re not taking it to an extreme level. But nurturing your own self from the wounds indirectly inflicted upon you is healthier than drowning trying to fix a boat that is already sinking and bringing you down with it !!

You need to know your worth and also walk away to love yourself back to life. I know things are easier said than done. Yet you’ll recover and learn to resist the idea that you are not failing, but giving yourself the same chance and efforts you gave them. And above all, learn to walk away for the greater good. Don’t let the silent killer get away with your choice of happiness too.

Stay blessed always everyone.

Be Careful with your hearts Qubool hai… your heart may be given a triple Talak πŸ˜”

It’s the most beautiful day or moment of the bride to be, emotions arise, tears fall, smiles among the girls, handshakes amongst the male attendants, feelings of happiness, yet of uncertainty are instantly born…but finally it begins. The process between being at a distance and then giving/ receiving consent is going thru, whilst everyone is thinking something different… some think “When will it be my turn?” While others quietly reminisce “I still remember when…” and some have internal screaming of their own saying “I wanted a love marriage…yet sadly my wishes were drowned before i could even speak my heart”.

Everyone is going thru a million thoughts inside themselves while being at the same place at the same time. But it doesn’t mean they’re not with you, it only means they’re human, and being human is what we do best. At this moment, on this auspicious occasion you are being supported even when their hopes were or are different to yours.

Suddenly the papers are checked, verified and soon to sign, except the main participants are anxiously awaiting the most important question/response which finally seals the whole event, because words are a firm expression here in such a lifetimes moment as this one is …the groom looks down in anxiety and hoping nothing has changed, or hoping it has, either way it’s the bride’s last word which binds them together or sets them free for once and for all.

Finally, the questions begin to verify and certify that both parties are in free acceptance of each other, and no pressure is upon them as into an unwanted/forced marriage is taking place. Once it’s all settled, the conditions, as the Haq mehr, and the final expression of love happens, the bride says qubool hai and the happiness spreads like a wildfire of smiles that ends in hugs and congratulations in the whole room, just to start on a whole new different level afterwards.

For some it’s a stress level experience that ends in tears of joy, others in a nervous breakdown, and others well…just have nerves of steel. Once the whole ordeal is taken care of and finalized everyone leaves wishing the newly weds a happy ever after, but do they really ever have it ? In some cases they’re just glad it’s over with and that their new beginning is actually a new opportunity for a whole new life, away from what they were taught, and or even from what they know, for some it’s not quite that simple.

Leaving the parents and joining another family is a totally different experience. Once she reaches her new home, things don’t always start out sweetly, she is now someone who will be contributing there also. Many expectations arise concerning her and amongst these expectations exist the way she’ll treat him and keep up with his needs.

Qubool hai means so much more than I accept. It’s actually the whole shabang as we say in a slang version meaning the whole package, but when we accept them this way do they accept us in the same way and manner ? It’s a really difficult question because while the groom may seek a beautiful, virtuous bride the family sometimes seeks status and let’s be honest about this sensitive topic, most of the time the family chooses status over virtue and also it goes higher and above all which should be the actual base…love.

After this arises a lot more comes to happen, if she is from a different caste, if she’s not so beautiful or virtuous, sometimes the only thing that keeps her there is her status, which she has to battle with to keep the ball in her court. Other times she is so misdemeaned that her once tears of joy turn into rivers of neverending pain. Over the years wondering and pondering upon what went wrong, if she is not what her husband wanted or his family expected. And it’s not so far away when someone proposes the groom the awful idea of a dissolution of the marriage under the terms of triple talak.

This brings down every single dream, every single feeling of love, hope, or even to go on in life. Having this happen, or done to us is like carrying a scarlet letting signifying shame and failure. Be wary of your hearts and guard them with all your strength and might, because once that word is said it can shatter the soul in seconds and bring the strongest person on earth to crumble.

Marriage is a beautiful state of love, let’s not ruin or hinder it with negativity and unkindness, but being kind to each other and giving a chance for love to flow and heal a bond is the greatest challenge of all.

Thoughts of a LDR gf: Birthday Edition

My So-Called Life

Today is very special because two people I love were born today. In my opinion, birthdays should be special because of two things: you arrived to this world on this day (years ago) and you have managed to stay here for one more year.

One of those persons is the other half of my LDR. Don’t you wish celebrating bdays were easier in LDRs? I sure do. I spent a few days thinking about all the things we would do if we were together but until now, we’ve never been together on a birthday (or any other holiday). I felt like ideas were not flowing inside my head on how to make this day a bit special because of the distance and because our relationship has gone through some major changes.

If your ideas seem to be MIA here are some of mine that came a little too late (or…

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Happiness was my choice

This age is so full of modernly updates and ways to get thru communication that it’s shortened out our search to convey the message from our hearts down to an emotionless figure on a screen. We’ve figured out that our moods can be sorted out thru codes or our devices and it’s becoming “easier” to push a button and lessen the stress or avoidance of real face to face contact.

In order to keep the balance, peace or our S/O happiness intact, we tend to keep our emotions under wrap and fail to allow them to feel what we are obviously needing as well, yet lacking…the same overbearing feeling we so long to to hold on to, and hope it continues to give us that everlasting high that keeps our hearts alive. If they only knew their smile shines with the force of a million suns in our souls, and how much they mean to us. Sadly, we step back to give their wishes, dreams and goals the life and energy they deserve…even if it costs us our own.

We give them a standing ovation on each triumphant step, a word of encouragement during each struggle and our best wishes during their happiest moments… even if we’re not playing any part of it…yet we stand with a beautiful heartfelt smile, once we look away our true feelings roll down from our eyes with an amount of strength we can never imagine to express. Because we chose happiness…their happiness over our own.

I’ve always said and thought that when couples are different even in their cultural backgrounds, those differences were supposed to bring them closer because it’s the beauty and essence of the balance in between also there was a common denominator between them that drew them towards each other…it was supposed to be love. Yet nowadays even the essence of that love is challenged, tested or even forced to take a side. One side says “I love you and take you as you are” the other side says “If you were ______________ it would be better for me“.

When those moments come, it’s hard to see the road ahead thru the steamy fog of tears, especially when those tears are held back with the most beautiful smiles ever given, I’ll say it again… because happiness was our choice so we made way from the tears to a smile, even if our heart’s break a million times…no-one will ever know, right? Not even them.

We live, and go on with a wounded heart, and yet still know how to carry on with our life, and our love for them although we’re afraid to receive love because we know exactly what we’re giving, even thou we were limited to be reciprocated because deep down inside…we’ll still not be enough. The pain isn’t there when the true desires are withheld but when they are unleashed especially in anger.

Once those words cross the hearts threshold, believe me, things will seem to be normal but will never be the same…still our souls fight a war that can never be seen, only felt thru the tears that flow, and the beautiful smiles we choose to share.

Dear you:

My heartfelt advice for today is… raise your hearts shield and smile…