The Drifting Apart Syndrome, the silent killer

Noone who is actually in love ever expects to feel the awkwardness of a bouncing echo. What does this mean? Short for a one-sided type of situation which develops and sadly kicks in from time to time…The drifting apart syndrome as I call it. Sometimes things happen, situations we can’t control, different timezones, countries and even cultures can be included within this topic.

The point is that if we don’t spend enough time with our S/O we tend to get lost, disconnected and even feel hopeless while in the grip of this syndrome…sadly to say it’s affecting all types of relationships, and flooding them with anguish and distance. By the time they actually wake up to it, the other half has already or is almost halfways gone. Not allowing much to salvage, or restore. Faith, Confidence and Trust begin to whither and when this happens it can be or has already been ended…even without a moments notice. It drips right thru our hands like water and its gone.

Indifference can be a cause as well, it can rise like an erupting volcano once the hearts are no longer at the same level and and one of them has gone on this late habit of leaving on this trip of point of no return. Let’s face it he/she have gone stone cold, it’s turned into a rodeo where you have to lasso them back to life in your never ending love… but to only find and see they break free from your grip and know the embers of your love aren’t strong enough to keep their flames burning. It’s like a totally different person in front of you.

What’s worse no matter the efforts you make, nothing really sparks their interest. So then what to do, when your own heart is growing weary and you’re running out of time not to mention your heart is breaking into a million pieces ? You have to look deep down inside yourself and realize that you also matter, and pray that hopefully they’ll snap out of that trance and find their way back to your heart before its too late.

The sea of indifference and confusion tends to make its way into their paths and they hurt us without even noticing it from time to time. Where there once was “Good morning my angel” “Sweet dreams honey” is now (received) “✔✔” and then “✅✅” (read) yet no reply whatsoever. It ends either hardening what’s left of our hearts or breaking them til nothing is left. Infecting our love and changing our feelings to become introspective not to mention the helpless notion of failure thinking it’s our fault, yet the real culprit out there is smiling back at us while walking off with the object of our affection and we’re out of clues or ways on how to get them back.

Then what to do? you may ask yourself. Honestly you have to start loving, caring, and investing that same if not more energy, attention, and love before you lose your own self trying to fix the gap that turned up out the blue between you both. Self love isn’t wrong, as long as you’re not taking it to an extreme level. But nurturing your own self from the wounds indirectly inflicted upon you is healthier than drowning trying to fix a boat that is already sinking and bringing you down with it !!

You need to know your worth and also walk away to love yourself back to life. I know things are easier said than done. Yet you’ll recover and learn to resist the idea that you are not failing, but giving yourself the same chance and efforts you gave them. And above all, learn to walk away for the greater good. Don’t let the silent killer get away with your choice of happiness too.

Stay blessed always everyone.

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Be Careful with your hearts Qubool hai… your heart may be given a triple Talak 😔

It’s the most beautiful day or moment of the bride to be, emotions arise, tears fall, smiles among the girls, handshakes amongst the male attendants, feelings of happiness, yet of uncertainty are instantly born…but finally it begins. The process between being at a distance and then giving/ receiving consent is going thru, whilst everyone is thinking something different… some think “When will it be my turn?” While others quietly reminisce “I still remember when…” and some have internal screaming of their own saying “I wanted a love marriage…yet sadly my wishes were drowned before i could even speak my heart”.

Everyone is going thru a million thoughts inside themselves while being at the same place at the same time. But it doesn’t mean they’re not with you, it only means they’re human, and being human is what we do best. At this moment, on this auspicious occasion you are being supported even when their hopes were or are different to yours.

Suddenly the papers are checked, verified and soon to sign, except the main participants are anxiously awaiting the most important question/response which finally seals the whole event, because words are a firm expression here in such a lifetimes moment as this one is …the groom looks down in anxiety and hoping nothing has changed, or hoping it has, either way it’s the bride’s last word which binds them together or sets them free for once and for all.

Finally, the questions begin to verify and certify that both parties are in free acceptance of each other, and no pressure is upon them as into an unwanted/forced marriage is taking place. Once it’s all settled, the conditions, as the Haq mehr, and the final expression of love happens, the bride says qubool hai and the happiness spreads like a wildfire of smiles that ends in hugs and congratulations in the whole room, just to start on a whole new different level afterwards.

For some it’s a stress level experience that ends in tears of joy, others in a nervous breakdown, and others well…just have nerves of steel. Once the whole ordeal is taken care of and finalized everyone leaves wishing the newly weds a happy ever after, but do they really ever have it ? In some cases they’re just glad it’s over with and that their new beginning is actually a new opportunity for a whole new life, away from what they were taught, and or even from what they know, for some it’s not quite that simple.

Leaving the parents and joining another family is a totally different experience. Once she reaches her new home, things don’t always start out sweetly, she is now someone who will be contributing there also. Many expectations arise concerning her and amongst these expectations exist the way she’ll treat him and keep up with his needs.

Qubool hai means so much more than I accept. It’s actually the whole shabang as we say in a slang version meaning the whole package, but when we accept them this way do they accept us in the same way and manner ? It’s a really difficult question because while the groom may seek a beautiful, virtuous bride the family sometimes seeks status and let’s be honest about this sensitive topic, most of the time the family chooses status over virtue and also it goes higher and above all which should be the actual base…love.

After this arises a lot more comes to happen, if she is from a different caste, if she’s not so beautiful or virtuous, sometimes the only thing that keeps her there is her status, which she has to battle with to keep the ball in her court. Other times she is so misdemeaned that her once tears of joy turn into rivers of neverending pain. Over the years wondering and pondering upon what went wrong, if she is not what her husband wanted or his family expected. And it’s not so far away when someone proposes the groom the awful idea of a dissolution of the marriage under the terms of triple talak.

This brings down every single dream, every single feeling of love, hope, or even to go on in life. Having this happen, or done to us is like carrying a scarlet letting signifying shame and failure. Be wary of your hearts and guard them with all your strength and might, because once that word is said it can shatter the soul in seconds and bring the strongest person on earth to crumble.

Marriage is a beautiful state of love, let’s not ruin or hinder it with negativity and unkindness, but being kind to each other and giving a chance for love to flow and heal a bond is the greatest challenge of all.

Thoughts of a LDR gf: Birthday Edition

My So-Called Life

Today is very special because two people I love were born today. In my opinion, birthdays should be special because of two things: you arrived to this world on this day (years ago) and you have managed to stay here for one more year.

One of those persons is the other half of my LDR. Don’t you wish celebrating bdays were easier in LDRs? I sure do. I spent a few days thinking about all the things we would do if we were together but until now, we’ve never been together on a birthday (or any other holiday). I felt like ideas were not flowing inside my head on how to make this day a bit special because of the distance and because our relationship has gone through some major changes.

If your ideas seem to be MIA here are some of mine that came a little too late (or…

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Happiness was my choice

This age is so full of modernly updates and ways to get thru communication that it’s shortened out our search to convey the message from our hearts down to an emotionless figure on a screen. We’ve figured out that our moods can be sorted out thru codes or our devices and it’s becoming “easier” to push a button and lessen the stress or avoidance of real face to face contact.

In order to keep the balance, peace or our S/O happiness intact, we tend to keep our emotions under wrap and fail to allow them to feel what we are obviously needing as well, yet lacking…the same overbearing feeling we so long to to hold on to, and hope it continues to give us that everlasting high that keeps our hearts alive. If they only knew their smile shines with the force of a million suns in our souls, and how much they mean to us. Sadly, we step back to give their wishes, dreams and goals the life and energy they deserve…even if it costs us our own.

We give them a standing ovation on each triumphant step, a word of encouragement during each struggle and our best wishes during their happiest moments… even if we’re not playing any part of it…yet we stand with a beautiful heartfelt smile, once we look away our true feelings roll down from our eyes with an amount of strength we can never imagine to express. Because we chose happiness…their happiness over our own.

I’ve always said and thought that when couples are different even in their cultural backgrounds, those differences were supposed to bring them closer because it’s the beauty and essence of the balance in between also there was a common denominator between them that drew them towards each other…it was supposed to be love. Yet nowadays even the essence of that love is challenged, tested or even forced to take a side. One side says “I love you and take you as you are” the other side says “If you were ______________ it would be better for me“.

When those moments come, it’s hard to see the road ahead thru the steamy fog of tears, especially when those tears are held back with the most beautiful smiles ever given, I’ll say it again… because happiness was our choice so we made way from the tears to a smile, even if our heart’s break a million times…no-one will ever know, right? Not even them.

We live, and go on with a wounded heart, and yet still know how to carry on with our life, and our love for them although we’re afraid to receive love because we know exactly what we’re giving, even thou we were limited to be reciprocated because deep down inside…we’ll still not be enough. The pain isn’t there when the true desires are withheld but when they are unleashed especially in anger.

Once those words cross the hearts threshold, believe me, things will seem to be normal but will never be the same…still our souls fight a war that can never be seen, only felt thru the tears that flow, and the beautiful smiles we choose to share.

Dear you:

My heartfelt advice for today is… raise your hearts shield and smile…

Routines cause Relationship Annihilation …

Right now things have gotten too comfortable for some of us. Lately it’s either lack of time, too many responsabilities, or just the daily routines have us cornered. Whatever the situation is, it’s inexcusable and jeopardizing the relationship. He’s somewhere in his world while she’s waiting for that special text or call also vice versa it could be him who’s waiting for her. Until the most awaited event comes true…buzz buzz!! text says “I’m sorry can’t talk tonight…(a million reasons come to life and to shed light and the other S/O is stranded in a loop.

Today’s topic is about the deadliest of all relationship viruses….Routines. Now routines can become seriously contagious and dangerous, why so? Because people get used to a cycle and get sucked in it, sometimes unable to get out and break these repetitive habits. Sometimes these patterns or situations tend to take up the little time we have to spend cherishing sweet moments, yet instead they become crevices in the relationship…sometimes sadly to the point of an undeserved breakup.

Yup i said it the most feared word of all, in a relationship is the B word as in “Breakup”. It’s sad to know that nowadays many people don’t grasp the concept of thinking out of the box, they just comform themselves with whatever they get, if they get anything at all, and just sit back in a comfort zone attitude. As if that’s enough for them, it’s also enough for the S/O. Well it’s not true. People need to understand their habits can cause the other part to fall into a state of sadness asking themselves “Is this all there is?” “Why can’t it move further?” Or even worse “What is happening to us?” Sometimes priorities change, responsabilities of the now come into a new place on the list, Even thoughts of emptiness tend to surface, because no matter how much we try to address certain issues they will still continue to linger in a way, because they were not fixed, only temporarily dismissed. And these tend to cause stress, friction and pain between the couple involved. When you really want a relationship you fight for it to keep it alive like a fire that should always remain burning to survive within its warmth. Cause let’s face it when you’re in danger you struggle and strive to survive, but then after the danger is over or gone, you should stay alert in case it would ever happen again. But some survivors only fade into the past without a fight while others fight to live another day.

The same goes with a relationship, if there’s no struggle, innovations or new ways to keep it alive then there’s no way of survival or no sense of continuing beside them. Sometimes its hard to even think this way, but under such circumstances we’re left with no choices, except to simply hold back our feelings, in order to avoid our hearts breaking any further.

Yet til those very moments have become reality is when a sense of danger disturbs the peace that once protected them by bringing them closer, now only hinders and pushes them further apart. Less time to communicate the weaker their foundation becomes, and without understanding or trust in each other the walls that kept their sheltering love protected… crumbles to a nothing.

Its not me…it’s you

🎶Mere saiyaan ji se aaj maine breakup kar liya🎶

🎶I broke up with my dear beloved today🎶

There’s a nasty virus going around and it’s hitting high and hitting low, some get this sad gutt feeling while others…well they’ll just never ever know.

Ouch that was harsh, I know but it’ll get uglier now and I hate to say it but it’s true, what am I up to this time you might ask? I’m here to talk about the series of events of Breakup Season. It’s usually started after a certain date but hey this is obviously seen, everywhere nowadays (not necessarily predicted).

Before and after our dear New Year has kicked in, things start to change and take their priority list position, and during these changes breakups aren’t excluded, actually they’re the main thing to happen if not dealt carefully with your relationship. The timing for them to occurr is between the last few months of previous ending year and first three months of the New Year so trust me I’ve seen it and heard it. Many of its effects or symptoms are mostly lack of communication, lack of compatibility, goals not met, unsolved business (which continues to linger) maybe heard by but not resolved resulting in frustration and tension. One-sided devotion to the S/O while the other is on planet ……………whatever…. you wish to address the main issue upon.

It’s sad to talk about it but best to address it, due to the fact some of us don’t know how to deal, express or bring up the topic until we finally hit that rock bottom pit which shows us things did not work or go out as planned. Let’s face it, breakups are hard to deal with as to talk about when the occasion arises. Not everyone is able to look forward optimistically once they happen, not everyone recovers or bounces back with ways to cope. First of all they need time to heal, and in order to do so they need to let go, mostly because they weren’t ready for that part. Actualy nobody is !!! If they felt not being prepared to allow someone in their lives, imagine the difficulties and challenges of escorting them out of their daily perimeter we refer to as life. Some times it’s referred to as “I need some space” or “time to think” we usually get these when they’re “confused” or “not feeling accomplished”. If someone cannot stay beside you in bad times, trust me they don’t deserve you at your best. Sometimes they don’t even realize they left you, to them it was just a break for them, they needed time from their overburdened hearts and souls but end up blaming the victim. Yup, they stab you yet they’re bleeding to death (figures when they’re life has met a new motivation which can be anything without ruling out…anyone). Some people can’t even confront you, they just fade away and ghost you, and that’s the biggest challenge yet.

Breakup Victims who’ve been ghosted are tormented by a million questions and never fully recover until the Ghost suddenly materializes once more to ask “how are you?” Because they realize the victim is well and alive, but then need to feel that they have to be forgiven by the ghosted. More of a cycle that states a lame excuse of “I’m only human” to just have a reason to continue life and not face their empty perception of reality in how or how they left us.

Still it’s not so hard to know if your S/O is having second thoughts, cold feet or simply grew out of you like a piece of clothing or a pair of shoes they can no longer bear. Lack of empathy, and treating you like an outsider are some symptoms, you no longer form part of their so called priorities on their schedule, no longer sharing common interests, even sporting a life of interests as if they were single. New statuses show up while you’re never to be found amongst them…follow the signs and trust your gutt if it’s telling you something, because it can never fool you. We need to learn to watch out for the red flashing lights ahead before falling off the cliff. Without forgetting that most of of these breakups were and are meant for the best. Because lets face it bouncing back into the same relationship which can’t fix or acknowledge there’s an existent unresolved issue is like a book you’ve already read…you already know how it ends.

Remember you are valued, important, appreciated, loved, needed and taken seriously from up above and from those who surround you and are willing to spend every loving moment with you. Don’t give up on yourself no matter what.

Back to the 1/2 Girlfriend Sanctuary

Once we’re in that category it seems our life ticks like a clock it’s hands of time don’t turn back to change. And they never will…Most of us girls let things go, or slide even pretend things aren’t happening or don’t exist just to avoid confrontation, awkward situations, even the pain, hurt, or just that eerie sensation produced by our thoughts and feelings in that multiplying bank we have in our chests…our hearts.

Let’s talk about trust…we girls have this tendency to fall in love with words, the way we’re treated if with loving kindness and led to believe so much with a tremendous amount of blind faith. Many times with our hearts on our sleeves we let the smallest of details slide. Sometimes it’s a matter of spending enough time together, (difficult for LDRS but not impossible to work around with) other times it’s a matter of trusting certain things to not happen. Yup, I’m talking about that great big leap of faith which we experience when we allow ourselves to think, feel and give our S/O that sacred vow…the vow of trust.

Trust is giving someone else the right to destroy you, but believing that they won’t…but sadly sometimes it doesn’t exactly go that way. We end up giving out more than we receive, and we end up with an amount of what, where, when, how and why did this happen?

Without any explanation it all hits and hurts us, “when we trust that person will not break us” yet we end up shattered by the simplest of things. For example I/myself would trust to not have to repeat myself to my S/O to not do something which I might’ve explained or hinted out that might hurt me…for me it could be a very different point of view than anyone else’s relationship. Let’s be honest we all have trust issues, yet we don’t address them the same way. Some of us have the patience to endure, but others don’t or can’t. It all depends on the communication you have.

How does this take us girls back to the half girlfriend sanctuary? Simple, we’re back to square one, stuck at three to five steps back hoping they notice the error code engraved on our hearts. The great divide that has been carved between trusting or just looking away. Yes we girls know this feeling too well, when it’s happened more than once or twice. We ourselves seek shelter behind that glass panel hoping it’s thick enough to not be breached as well. And sometimes secretly wish to lock the keys inside our heart’s vault to not feel its assault again.

This time their actions make our hearts ache, so we step behind the veil, hoping they try to see thru it but sometimes they can’t see the blur they’ve created in our eyes once the heart is scarred we’re afraid to stand and fight or let go what might be left inside of us. No matter how many hints we may give away they still seem clueless and our status doesn’t update til they are up against the feeling of walking into pulverized glass pieces of our hearts, with a possible goodbye.

My advice to this is

Dear Guys : think well what and how you do things before taking course of action, your words and ways can cost you losing her precious delicate heart, and if that shatters trust me on this one…all is lost once she walks away…